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2004-03-17T19:17:00.000-08:00

I went to my pending place of employment today and everything seems to be ok--I don't think I'm going to end up being escorted out of there, at least, not just yet.

Only a little bit of fighting today. We did yoga together, but I only did half of what he did because I had to shower and get ready to go to my pending place of employment. I feel really good, judt with the little bit I did, though.

Afterwards, we wandered around Wild Oats Whole Foods Market waiting for something to catch our fancy...we vascilated between smoked apple cheese...vintage Irish cheddar cheese...brie...rosemary olive bread...french loaf...sour peasant loaf...salad makings...but, came out with nothing. We then headed over to Souper Saladfor supper and the Sunflower Market for Guiness and red wine.

Gonna go veg now.

Sending Love,
X

2004-03-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's such a monumental effort even to get out of bed, especially when things seem to sprint from bad, to great, to horrible, to worse, in the blink of an eye, without warning.

Yesterday was so pleasant. First, we received our Jane magazine, and our sizeable just-in-the-nick-of-time-because-we're-broke-tax-refund in the mail, next, I had to go fill out paperwork and get a TB test for my new job, which, though time consuming and mildly annoying, seemed to go well, then we just kind of wandered around town for a little while soaking up the sunshine, treating ourselves to some frozen yogurt, and finally came home in the evening and had chicken enchiladas and some red wine for dinner. He even managed to do some yoga via "Yoga For Dummies". There was no fighting. It was practically perfect. I should have known to be wary...everything good can only get worse...no?

Now I am here, a new day, feeling a bit like I've been plucked cruely from my cozy mama bird's nest, flung to the ground, and trampled on. Things started out well enough...ie: good coffee, yoga, discussion of future plans, when from the trenches of the anxiety center of my brain came a thought,
"Hey, I wonder what that background check thingy called Infomart, that my new (or should I now say, "pending") employer said they had to run before the job was truly, officially mine, was all about??"

So, I decided to look it up to see just what kind of stuff they were trying to dig up about me. I know I have no criminal background, so I wasn't worried about that, but I was a little worried they would discover the two shortly lived (I'm talking a few days long) jobs I had neglected to include in my resume, because I had been advised by several sources that you don't really need to include few-day-long-jobs on a resume. As I'd feared, one of the things potential employers can trace, using your social security number, and this (I think, totally invasive of any kind of privacy) service, is purposely omitted previous employment. Wonderful. So, assuming that this is one of the things they were trying to trace, the job is possibly no longer mine. To make matters a little worse, if that's possible, I am supposed to go there to take care of a few more things tommorrow and am petrified that I am going to walk in and promptly be escorted out for being such an evil, dishonest, horrible excuse for a person. If this happens, I am going to take it as an omen to get out of the healthcare field, which I've been steadily hating, more and more, for a while now, and do something else...maybe be a barista, or a convenience store clerk...hell, maybe even a (gasp) waitress, again. I am definitely going back to school, in the Fall, for teaching!

After my wonderful discovery about Infofriggenmart we got into an awful, mean, yucky argument about how I shouldn't worry about it...gee, ok, I don't need a job or anything...and I just felt like he thinks none of my worries are ever legitimate.

To make things worse, we then got a notice, which was distributed to all the tenants of our complex, asking everyone to stop feeding the stray cats that live in the complex and that animal control was going to be trying to round them up soon. Like several people in the complex, we feed and water them, and have come to know and love them. It's just too sad...I don't know what we're going to do. We already have 2 cats, and we can't exactly adopt and bring 9 more into a one bedroom apartment. Our complex actually charges a non-refundable pet fee of $300 per pet! That would be $2100---and just not sanitary, or actually good for the cats. I don't know, I just hope they can continue to evade animal control...and we're going to continue to feed them, but at night, when the complex managers aren't around.

Sending Love,
X

2004-03-14T16:54:00.000-08:00

Over the past few weeks we have been completely, almost tragically broke...with just enough money to pay our bills and buy a few little tidbits to eat. It's a little, no, a lot scary. I know we will catch up soon, but for right now, our skin is crawling. This lack of funds is due to decisions we have had to make without staring, unwaveringly at our bank account. Currently, he is working at a new job that actually and surprisingly pays well, but is really pretty insane and not really a long term kind of thing. His boss does heavy drugs, on the job, there is an AK-47, among other guns, right on the premises, and it puts somewhat unacceptable amounts of wear and tear on our only vehicle...not to mention it's not exactly the right job for the amazingly intelligent, creative, talented person that he is...but then again, what's a job? Just a way to support yourself until you're able to make a success of your true passion?

I start a new job, that is not my passion, on Wednesday...it promises to be relatively secure and long-term.

Today we woke up late, drank a bunch of coffee, then went grocery shopping. I prepared a very yummy meal of rotisserrie roasted chicken, tomato soup brimming with fresh salsa, monterrey jack cheese, tortilla chips, and orange juice. Then he went to work and I stayed here to clean, water plants, change kitty litter, do laundry, shave my legs, paint my toenails, and write 2 letters: 1 requesting my paycheck from my former job which seems oblivious to my phone calls, and one to a collection agency trying to collect some money from us which we're pretty sure we don't owe. If I'm lucky, I'll still have time to sit on the porch and do some reading...maybe even write something other than business letters.

He's not very happy lately. We've decided to go the non-medicine treatment route. We'll see how it goes. Wish us lots and lots of luck and energy.

sending love,
X